Writing is not cathartic, even though its feeling of release is present; it is not enlightening, however, it provokes critical thinking; it is not, above all, entertaining, nonetheless it transports you. I write in order to rationalize interiority, to catch emic experiences with a net. Everything, however, revolves and remains inside.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

I cried twice in a day

I cried for many reasons twice in a day.
For the innocence lost;
The knowledge of understanding there's a life that can't be rewinded and relived;
I cried for the loss of spontaneity;
knowing that the life I lead now is more exciting than the one I was stuck with but that in reality it's that other life with some minor adjustments that I would want
or it is this very life with some minor adjustments that I would want;
I cried for friendships lost
guilt, blame, actions and ommitions aside
for the loss of those friendships;

Tear my heart. I will start reminiscing this that will lead me to that which I'll relate to some other thing until one memory attaches itself to a person I had long forgotten about, and then everything about them, about me with them, about our dynamic, and what we went and didn't go through together rushes into my mind like a gust of wind that cannot but follow its route.

I cried for my parents
whom even though I make happy and proud, I have let down many times, with this being the ultimate, more lasting blow of them all: Knowing that they are getting older far away from me, without me. Knowing that my absence causes them more grief than I know.

I cried for the lies that I live which make me push foward and live happily
for the pill and the stone
for the grade and the bonds
for writing and faking
Saying goodbye to my therapist was like leaving that stranger I once met at a bar and with whom I inexplicably shared a painfully intimate and warm conversation that ended just as randomly, with no phone number in hand and no recollection of anything but


His name, I can't remember. Pero gracias por ayudarme a entender the course I carry within.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Txt -

Txt - West to Jorge (12/11/05)

Jealousy is an effort to keep a love all for oneself, but also to keep unity of a lover’s image, caught in the dream, and prevent reality from co

rroding this image.
- Anais Inn

Txt - Jorge to West (12/11/05)

So in a way if you are jealous of him it means he is not really worth it. Love sees sharp, hatred sees more sharp, but

jealousy sees the sharpest for it is love and hate combined. – Arab proverb

Txt - West to Jorge (12/11/05)

Anais has something to say – maturity is first the shedding of what you are not, and then the balancing of what you are in relation to the human being

u love; and allowing the selves of that person which are not related to you to exist independently, OUTSIDE THE RELATIONSHIP.

I like that proverb.

Txt - Jorge to West (12/13/05)

The heart is deceitful above all things.

Txt - West to Jorge (12/13/05)

Every cell that goes to that organ is fighting for supremacy

The triumph of a heart… that gives up

Txt - Jorge to West (12/13/05)

When in doubt, give… but ur heart? That seems a bit much, even if in reality it is nothing.

Txt - West to Jorge (12/13/05)

Its nothing until it’s in the palm of a stranger

Txt - West to Jorge (12/13/05)

I kinda love you dolo it’s funny

Txt - Jorge to West (12/13/05)

One rule will be that we cant send multiple messages until the other answers back

Txt - West to Jorge (12/13/05)

There has to be rules

Txt - Jorge to West (12/13/05)

Btw I’m leaving the country tomorrow for a month. We’ll talk when I come back. Happy holidays!

Txt - Jorge to West (12/13/05)

Explain dolo

Txt - West to Jorge (12/13/05)

I don’t love you the person just ‘dolo’

Txt - West to Jorge (12/13/05)

I’m going on a Disney cruise tonight for a while too so ttyl txt stranger

Txt - Jorge to West (12/13/05)

I still don’t know what dolo means, but my brain says bye and wishes you have fun cruising.

Txt - West to Jorge (12/13/05)

We made it up as a symbol right? For like the anonymous whatever uh… well I’m fucked up gnight!

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Likethew i n d

Below he converges
He diverges, above.
And when he lets himself
get wrapped up in nothing,
like the wind he builds upward around its center
and so shreds what passes through the wall of its eye.

I count the forces
To which pressure declines:
‘Let me command without
the burden of your words’,
he says, ‘let me see myself as human, un-ruled, and
watch as I displace what you’ve settled at land’.

If stable then stable
Today, I let it flow.
But when he covers fast
The rest is unready,
and I can only hold it back so much so more
...to feel the current like before.

The book I read I remember. He looks, I say
Friction at the base will slow it down, but it will not change the direction of its heart.
He forms, passes, and disperses. He understands.

My love
I let him go, dry and motionless, to sleep.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Happy Anywhere

The screamers, bible preachers give the ear the will to kill
The moaners, not addictive but still a sleeping pill
The hyperactive mirror a hippie’s nightmare
Who gives a damn? I can be happy anywhere.

Subways are the throats that swallow the minimum wage
Parks are the acid jokes Pavement tells its friends
I ate an apple that was modified with Tupperware
Who gives a damn? I can be happy anywhere.

Spoil me
And in the meantime claim
I’m happy
While I intoxicate myself dying
I graffiti the city and shout
I need to hush the splash to enjoy a meal
But this is happy in the city and that’s fine with me

If there’s a green I’m not going, it will turn grey soon
That’s why I like it here: the rush is heavy but I get home soon

Some places borrow my scent and I borrow theirs
Some people borrow my love and I borrow theirs
Misterio! Life can feed on things that aren’t even there...
Fire the animal and be happy everywhere.

Spoil me
And in the meantime claim
I’m happy
While I intoxicate myself dying
I graffiti the city and shout
I need to hush the splash to enjoy a meal
But this is happy in the city and that’s fine with me.

If it speaks to you...